Dear Mike & Sarah
So you want to visit do you? Well the Moon is full and the dogs are howling so why not! If you cannot run the enclosed AutoRoute due to a lack of a personal PC then you are both sick. If this is the case I would advise you to drive to Birmingham, and walk from there. Just follow the line of burning cars, and be sure to carry a six-pack of fake continental larger to barter for your life. When you reach what looks like a large open prison take a left and follow the mountains of Wales. You will reach a crossroads called Three Mills. Take a right hand turn. The weather will improve as you enter Heaven, and people will smile at you. Be sure to wear sun glasses. If you get lost listen for the sweet voice of our darling child who will be calling your names.
You would think that the 2 years of enforced father hood and Telly Tubby madness would have ravaged my mind and body; it has. Be sure to bring a camera to photograph my triple chin, and eye bags. Please do not mention the protruding belly or the occasional spray of spittle. Try to remember me as the Greek God I once was.